Fitting in

We all long to FIT in someway or another. Some places, people, and even things that we try to FIT in with; we have no reason being anywhere near. We try to be part of a puzzle we were never intended to be included in, in the first place.

Does anyone know what I am talking about?

I know I have. In the beginning stages of my adulthood I tried to find the pieces on my own, trying fill voids with material things, drugs and sex. . It was not my place to find what was lost. That is only our SOULMATE'S JOB.

The chapter in my life that involved this was a very dark time in my life. I hated myself so much.

I felt dirty/unclean. I had let a man defile my body when I was 6. Yes I know now that none of that was my fault. However at the time I didn't seek my Soulmate's advice. I leaned on my own understanding. Why would God even care care about a child who has already lost her virginity before marriage. I was a disgrace to my family esp. my heavenly Father.

My whole childhood and most of my adulthood. I have felt ugly, fat, unworthy of anything or anyone.. Why would anyone want a used person? I was already a whore, not really that is how I felt when I graduated high school. So if I was already a whore and not worth of anyone or thing, then I should become one. I slept around with various men and even some women. I turned to drugs and continued this behavior until the most wonderful person entered my life. Tammy Pitre. God rest her soul. She obeyed the Lord, which in turn helped to save my life.

Lauren Daigle has a song named Rescue, which my niece and friend performed the most beautiful dance to,. Tammy was my rescue from my Soulmate. I was worthy enough that King Jesus sent me a rescue. Wow. Who loves you like that, but a God in heaven.

See he knew what I had done and what I will do, but he hunted me down like a loin hunts his prey.

Why? Why would someone WANT you so much? Please understand Our Father has everything he ever needs. He WANTS you! THAT IS A huge DIFFERENCE. just in case you didn't know that.

The reason. He fills our hole in our hearts so in return we complete him as well. Let me explain. If we are made in the imagine of God; it would only make sense that we would complete him.

However day after day I strived to be more unworthy, I laid with people that I know the Lord definitely did not lead into my life. I was even married for 5 years and it was a very toxic relationship, a lot of mental and physical abuse. I was told quite often how lucky I was that he chose me because no one else would ever want such a fat whore. I already believed that about myself so that was just confirmation for me. When I met him, I had just gotten out of a VERY toxic relationship. It was a very much verbal, emotional, and mental abuse. I was already beaten so down that why would Jesus want me. Remember I know the one who can take all this pain away. However all I kept hearing were the lies from the master himself. You see my eyes were cloaked with deception of the truth. Just because everyone around me is doing the sin; it doesn't atomically become not a sin. It is still a sin.

I believe that is where we are right now with sin. We all think we know what sin is without even studying where the law of sins come from. God our Father. Written in the bible. I am just as much at fault as the rest of you are at this task. I also have had trouble reading and understanding what is written, esp. the old testament. I relay on my memory for a lot of it. Here lately I have been really trying to read daily scripture to help me get started. Have had a few distractions and that is a story of another day.

I do know what the commandments from the old testament and the Golden commandment implicate. I also know what sin is, and still I chose it over my Lord. See you can't be for him and against him at the same time. Either you are ALL his or not. No fence riding with him. He is a very jealous God.

My friends our God knows every sin. EVERY SIN. There is nothing that you can't come clean with him about. Let's face it he already knows anyway, and he knows our hearts true desires.

Come home to your SOULAMTE'S forgiveness and salvation. Come be washed in his blood of sacrifice so that he can rinse you white as snow. Let him raise you up so that you can become the vessel he sent you here to be. Come let him help you with your cross. Let him help you finally get through whatever is holding you in bondage, so that you can become the warrior he needs.

Lord I surrender my soul to you. I want to walk in your story for me. I want you to take the pen and let me follow. King Jesus I accept you into my heart mind and soul today. It is yours Lord. Let your will be done through me. Lord let my dry bones rise for you today.

Remember you ABBA loves you more that you can ever imagine. Have a talk with him today and receive peace.

King Jesus is waiting for open arms. Jump I promise he is there.